Tag Archives: feelings

What are you going to do about it all?

You went into the trailer that you are staying in for the summer the other day. It was Friday evening if memory serves right and you got down on your knees and knelt over the bed and you prayed to God. Well what’s so remarkable about praying knelt over your bed, many do it regularly. Well it’s just not how you normal pray. You normally do pray, but not like that. It was a desperate prayer, the kind one dos when they feel it is their last resort. You prayed for direction and you rambled a lot. You seem to recall telling God that ware you are is inhibiting you from being fulfilled in all the areas you need to have tended with nurturing care if you want to not get sick. Areas like your religious and spiritual practice and expression, your sense of self, and your diet. Speaking of your diet you have continued to order soymilk tea lattes when stressed and off the farm and near a coffee shop. It’s not like you are being asked to do a lot of outrages tasks on the farm of anything like that, its just your mind wont let you not deal with things, hard to deal with things like your parents split (still need to write a response to your moms response to your letter), your lake of spiritual fulfilment and your deep need for a God centred life. So what are you going to do abut it all well… what are you going to do about it all?


Stress leads you to do things you would not otherwise do…

Stress leads you to do things you would not otherwise do, even if it is just the ordering of a tea soy milk latte from Starbucks two days in a row. The first day was wen I went into Westbank and the second was wen I went into Kelowna. I am not in any way a fan of tea. I would have preferred to have ordered a hot chocolate but, coffee shop ones have milk in them too which I am allergic. Coffee too which I also don’t like the toast of was way out of the question. Not just because I don’t like the taste of it but, because they also give me a headache wen I drink one. Yes I gout a latte two days in a row because they are sweet and I always wont something sweet wen I am stressed and stress leads you to crave caffeine. So why then did I not just get a dark chocolate bar well, because I also wonted to nears something. Now I know why some people will go to a bar and order a beer and spend all night drinking it slowly lost in their thoughts. Yes this may not have been the best thing for me. To much sugar (in the soy milk) and to much caffeine (from the tee a chi the first day and a green the second day).

Why in the world am I stressed so much? I am after all having a wonderful time working in the BC’s Okanagan valley on a certified organic farm for the summer, to be precise in the town of Peachland. I have gotten to do so many things like help with the baling and staking of the hay, help to pick and put together the weekly salad mix plus pick raspberries and yes weed all kinds of things. I am even getting to eat wonderful organic meals many consisting of produce groin right on the farm. So then again I say why am I stressed so mush? Well I think I am finely letting myself come to terms with the fact my parents split up several years ago or, more accurately my mind is finely forcing me to come to terms with it.

This stress it really got bad a few weeks ago flowing me having the most sad dream I have ever had. This dream its main theme was about my parents split. It woke me up with big sobbing tears that lasted for about ten whole minutes. I would never wish this on anyone. I for one wish it had never come to me. But what can you do about it but deal with it. I know I could just say I am not going to deal with this and pretend I never had this dream and the fact me parents spit is bothering me. But that would just cause me to explode with uncontrollable rage sometime in the future. So I am just going to deal with it.

I am dealing with it by sending an e-mail letter to both my mom and my dad. Yes the same letter to the both of them so they both now they are reading the same thing. I could have sent them individual letters but I need them to hear the same things from me. We will see how they respond to the letter. Lets hope it is in positive ways.